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Peeing in the Pool
by Shaun Tobin | Contact   
Sunday, 27 September 2009


Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?...

Pissing in the pool does not make oneself more likely to be hit by an asteroid. On the other hand not pissing in the pool, contrary to religious belief, is supposedly a blessing unto itself and not a transaction towards a later handout from God.

These days, it seems to your humble author, that the ability to predict various impending infections within our thoroughly pissed and defecated into community pool is wrongly seen as a deduction worthy of a CIS unit. It’s not.

Whether you are pissing in the pool out in the open or on some butterflies wings out in the Pacific, irritation tends to breed more of itself and become more inflamed rather than just to peter out. That’s the seven degrees of Karmic Backlash.

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Did you see that Kevin Bacon and his wife were taken by Bernie Made-off for nearly all of their dough? I read that on the plane ride back. There was a list of well known people that got swindled. The article was on how even the wealthy are suffering in this latest financial flushing. The upside was that his wife makes $300,000 an episode for some show on cable and he recently got his “ask” of $6,000,000 for his latest film. So, said the article, they’ll be back on track pretty soon.

We are all in this together.

Back when I was in College at Dartmouth and as stupid and lost as, at least this human being could possibly be, I made up a knick-name based on the most slovenly, low I.Q. pledge I had ever encountered. His last name began wit L-A-T and so I dubbed it “The Lat Factor.”

Basically you divided one’s waist circumference by one’s bicep circumference. For example if you had 12 inch arms and a 36 waist you had a Lat Factor of 3. Ten-inch arms and a waist of forty inches would make you a four. Your oh-so-humble narrator was a “two” despite gallons of water retention and beer weight. The super sloth name-sake fluctuated between being a four and a five.

Recently I read that Merrill Lynch bonus-ed him $250,000 a week for years for his deft handling of credit default switches as head of that department. He picked up tens of millions when the bailout money came through despite racking up billions in bad debt and running things into the ground. Now I hear he’s doing the same in Europe for another big American multi-national. Supposedly there’s more money for execs than even before but the trick is to mask how the bonuses get paid. Sweet.

Can’t wait to catch up at my 25th next summer.

Remember, we are all in this together.

I am a mediocre golfer these days. I hit terrible shots with occasional glimpses of how I used to able to play consistently for most of eighteen holes.

I played with a new guy in our foursome yesterday and just got off the phone having been told he was raving at a dinner last night how well I hit the ball. Trust me, I suck.

It would be interesting for me to figure out how much of me holding this truth to be self-evident frees me and how much it keeps me in pain. I have never, in my own view, been able to pretend that my own mediocrity is anything but such regardless of how pathetically awful other’s mediocrity might be.

Thanks for reading.



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