Warning: sheer and brutal honesty ahead
I don't know whether it is some newfound courage (not of the liquid variety, believe it or not) or just the simple fact that events in my life as of late have been so incredibly thought provoking that I am compelled to put myself out there in this way, but here goes...
My life, like most others I would imagine is filled with intense moments of bliss and just as often moments of incredible sadness. For years I have walked around with a familiar feeling of emptiness, and for years I have done everything in my power to not allow that feeling to takeover my outlook on life. I have always been quite optimistic that one day something will come along to fill that void, and until that happens I have made it a point and managed quite successfully to be as unaffected by that emptiness as I can possibly be.
But the truth of the matter is, I am sick of pretending. Sick of pretending that the ups and downs of life have to be masked by something as simple as a forced smile, that giving off the perception or illusion of happiness is almost as important as actually being happy. Because it is all the stuff in between, the journey in the pursuit of happiness, the falling down and getting back up that makes life so unbelieveably beautiful.
Now I will be the first to admit, at times I have a flair for the dramatic, and there have actually been events that occured in my life, that actually left me feeling like my life was over. Done. Finished. Now when I look back at those moments of adversity which I have always managed to overcome, how silly was I to think that I couldn't bounce back from them all.
Life goes on, and if you let it, then you will find that everyday life gives you countless opportunities to triumph over it. I have figured out that If you truly have the desire to be a better version of who you are, then your contribution to this world that we are all trying to figure out as we go along will bring you closer to the happiness that I believe we as humans all seek.
So this is my commitment to doing just that. My commitment to being the kind of person that will make the people that I love for and care for proud, but most importantly the kind of person that I can look at in the mirror and be genuinely, utterly, unequivocally, and indisputably happy with. That is what will fill the void in my heart, no more waiting for somebody or something to come along and magically be the answer, no more hiding behind my happy- go- lucky exterior, no more keeping up of appearances.
So I say be willing to wallow in the misery that life can sometimes bring upon us, for that will make basking in the many joys that life have to offer that much more sweet. I am on a true pursuit of happiness, and you are all welcome to join, whatever that may be.
I have never ever been more appreciative and aware of everything that my family and friends have done for me. Just knowing that I have their love and support has been the singular most motivating factor for anything great I have done and will do in my life.
A huge debt of gratitidue goes out to my parents, my sister Judy, my best friend in the whole world Helen. Judy L. for being my other sister in life, Sally N. for always being there for me even if it means jumping into a fountain in your clubbing clothes, TM for your incredible outlook on life, Lacey for being the strong woman that you are, and Devo, your candidness and the honesty in what you write has inspired me to do the same, even if it's just this once. I have so much appreciation for everyone in my life who has ever gone out of their way to do something nice and thoughtful for me, all my friends who have made me feel so special and cared for, I can only hope to return the favor a hundred times over.
In what could possibly be a 180 from the main point of this blog, I actually made some time for live poker and went to the Bike on Friday and Sunday for some 400-800 HORSE. I lost a tiny bit on Friday and had to leave to go somewhere, but won a pretty decent amount on Sunday putting me on the plus side this month for cash games since those were the only two times I have played all month. I am also going to be in Vegas tommorow, (surprise surprise) but only for a quick one day stop before I head up to Vancouver for the BC Poker Championships with Lacey and Liz. I have only been to Vancouver once, and it was only a day trip when we stopped through on a cruise from Alaska that I went on with my dad, but it was freakin gorgeous there. I can't wait to really get a chance to explore all that the city has to offer.
Oh and a special shoutout to Jack Dai from A.C for being a longtime reader of this blog.
Good luck and good times everyone!
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